Self Esteem Articles

In this article, I’m going to take on the immense task of giving you some pretty neat techniques based on the science of modeling — all in one article!

But it’s pretty close to my heart at the moment as my not-so- little-anymore daughter, (now ‘a big girl’ at three years old) who is, like many children her age, an expert at modeling.

In fact, it is suggested that modeling is one of the most incredibly powerful skills we are ALL born with.

It is through the mechanism and skill of modeling that we are able to effectively learn such basic skills as talking and walking, reading and writing.

And I say ‘effectively learn’, because there is no doubt that we would learn these skills anyhow, we seem genetically programmed for them. But to accelerate progress and to evolve by being the best we can be … that takes modeling skills.

What is modeling?

Apart from being a term used for overly skinny clothing parades, in our context of improving self esteem and self confidence, modeling means “to observe and decode successful behavior in another person, in order to replicate it for myself/others”.

And in our earlier years, like my 3-year-old, this means straightforward copying.

And boy is she good at it! (The best in the world of course — says Daddy!)

As we all were once. I’m assuming of course that you can walk, talk, read, write and count (and if you can’t do all of them, I’m sure it is for good reason).

So how come some people end up with high self esteem and self confidence but others don’t?

It is possible that it had to do with what we unconsciously ‘modeled’ as we grew up — the people we were exposed to, the circumstances we were exposed to and so on.

But now, none of that really matters, or at least if it does, you should think about letting it go.

Because you still possess that innate skill of modeling.

If you really really want to, you can find someone who is successful in the field you want to be successful in, then systematically go about observing, decoding, then replicating their behavior.

Notice I said their behavior, not their success.

Because their success is their success. And you want your own.

But by adopting their behaviors, you stand a much better chance of creating environments and circumstances for yourself that will result in higher self esteem and self confidence.

I know this is not the be all and end all of the story — of course banishing low self esteem or ridding oneself of anxiety perhaps may not be as simple as taking on someone else’s behaviors.

But don’t let that be an excuse for not trying!

Modeling excellence is so rarely practiced — yet it was once almost the only skill we practiced day in and day out!

So what should you be modeling?

Again, within the scope of this article, I have prepared a ‘list’ — and be aware that this list could easily also be the basis of a book in and of itself (and before you ask, it’s already been done).

Model the following attributes and you’ll have a sound understanding of that person’s ‘Model Of The World’:

• Identity (Who are they? How do they see themselves fitting in to the world?)

• Values (What would they die for? What is critically important to them — especially in the context of esteem and confidence)

• Beliefs (What do and don’t they believe in? You’ll often hear this articulated within another person’s strong opinion.)

• Skills (What capabilities, or learned skills, is this person demonstrating. And how did they acquire them?)

• Behaviors (What do you notice about them on the outside? How do they walk, talk, breathe? What habits do you notice they have?)

• Environment (What environment do they deliberately create around themselves? Diet and exercise, clothes and personal hygiene, life’s accessories & tools — diary, phone etc. How do they ‘keep their house’?)

And I’m only just scratching the surface …

Notice that this is a whole different strategy than just ‘copying’.

Also notice in all of this that we avoid talking about ‘personality’. You don’t want to actually *be* them, just be able to do what they do! Just like my daughter. She just wants to drive my car!

Of course, you can learn even more about how to learn this skill — and many others — in the course “Supercharge Your Self Esteem and Confidence In 28 days Or Less”. But you knew that already!

All the best!

© 2006, Robert Scanlon, instant-self-esteem