But it’s pretty close to my heart at the moment as my not-so- little-anymore daughter, (now ‘a big girl’ at three years old) who is, like many children her age, an expert at modeling.

In fact, it is suggested that modeling is one of the most incredibly powerful skills we are ALL born with.

It is through the mechanism and skill of modeling that we are able to effectively learn such basic skills as talking and walking, reading and writing.

And I say ‘effectively learn’, because there is no doubt that we would learn these skills anyhow, we seem genetically programmed for them. But to accelerate progress and to evolve by being the best we can be … that takes modeling skills.

What is modeling?

Apart from being a term used for overly skinny clothing parades, in our context of improving self esteem and self confidence, modeling means “to observe and decode successful behavior in another person, in order to replicate it for myself/others”.

And in our earlier years, like my 3-year-old, this means straightforward copying.

And boy is she good at it! (The best in the world of course — says Daddy!)

As we all were once. I’m assuming of course that you can walk, talk, read, write and count (and if you can’t do all of them, I’m sure it is for good reason).

So how come some people end up with high self esteem and self confidence but others don’t?

It is possible that it had to do with what we unconsciously ‘modeled’ as we grew up — the people we were exposed to, the circumstances we were exposed to and so on.

But now, none of that really matters, or at least if it does, you should think about letting it go.

Because you still possess that innate skill of modeling.

If you really really want to, you can find someone who is successful in the field you want to be successful in, then systematically go about observing, decoding, then replicating their behavior.

Notice I said their behavior, not their success.

Because their success is their success. And you want your own.

But by adopting their behaviors, you stand a much better chance of creating environments and circumstances for yourself that will result in higher self esteem and self confidence.

I know this is not the be all and end all of the story — of course banishing low self esteem or ridding oneself of anxiety perhaps may not be as simple as taking on someone else’s behaviors.

But don’t let that be an excuse for not trying!

Modeling excellence is so rarely practiced — yet it was once almost the only skill we practiced day in and day out!

So what should you be modeling?

Again, within the scope of this article, I have prepared a ‘list’ — and be aware that this list could easily also be the basis of a book in and of itself (and before you ask, it’s already been done).

Model the following attributes and you’ll have a sound understanding of that person’s ‘Model Of The World’:

• Identity (Who are they? How do they see themselves fitting in to the world?)

• Values (What would they die for? What is critically important to them — especially in the context of esteem and confidence)

• Beliefs (What do and don’t they believe in? You’ll often hear this articulated within another person’s strong opinion.)

• Skills (What capabilities, or learned skills, is this person demonstrating. And how did they acquire them?)

• Behaviors (What do you notice about them on the outside? How do they walk, talk, breathe? What habits do you notice they have?)

• Environment (What environment do they deliberately create around themselves? Diet and exercise, clothes and personal hygiene, life’s accessories & tools — diary, phone etc. How do they ‘keep their house’?)

And I’m only just scratching the surface …

Notice that this is a whole different strategy than just ‘copying’.

Also notice in all of this that we avoid talking about ‘personality’. You don’t want to actually *be* them, just be able to do what they do! Just like my daughter. She just wants to drive my car!

Of course, you can learn even more about how to learn this skill — and many others — in the course “Supercharge Your Self Esteem and Confidence In 28 days Or Less”. But you knew that already!

All the best!

© 2006, Robert Scanlon, instant-self-esteem

But I am often amazed at how many of the answers we already have inside of us … it’s just that we haven’t found the right questions to ask of ourselves yet.

In this summary article, I’ll explain how asking these 7 great questions can help you get the answers you are looking for.

Question No. 1: “What Is My Ideal Outcome?”

If you want to boost your confidence and build your self esteem, what are you doing it for?

There must always be an outcome for the mind-body connection, or else it will simply remain at “status-quo” due to inertia.

So specify an outcome:

What will your world look like when you have this new-found self esteem and self confidence?

Take some time to write out your “new ideal week”.

And if you can also take on board these more advanced questions below, you might find yourself enjoying your outcome(s) sooner than you think.

How will you think differently?

What new emotions will you feel?

How will you stand, sit, hold yourself differently?

Question No. 2: “How Many Different Ways Can I Create To Reach My Outcome?”

Now assuming you do have an outcome, is it so fixed that there is only one way you can be happy?

Here’s how to test this … if at any point your ideal future or outcome tests positive to this statement; “I’ll be happy when …”, or “I’ll feel better because …”, then it could be that you are too dependent on only one way to achieve your outcome.

So design multiple paths, brainstorm multiple and flexible alternatives - Plan A, Plan B, Plan C … any one of which will get you your desired outcome.

Question No. 3: “How Do I Encode My Future?”

When I ask this question of my students, I often get blank looks (not surprisingly).

Yet we all “encode our future” — in fact you cannot not encode your future — but few people except world-class sports people do it deliberately to achieve better results.

Try this: Imagine standing right at the edge of a tall building. Now lean forward. If your body responded to these imaginary thoughts, then how powerful would it be to imagine your future unfolding exactly the way you want it to.

Tip: The best way to make this work is to work backwards from after the outcome is achieved - for example, look back at your day before you start it and imagine all the great things you have already achieved.

Question No. 4: “What Am I Prepared To Leave Behind?”

Are you “hanging onto any baggage” just because it feels comfortable?

So many people I talk to are desperate to change themselves but refuse to let go of the past … or even the present.

Let’s face it, to have things be different in your life, you have to do things differently and be different yourself. That means that some “less-than-useful” aspects of yourself will have to be thrown out.

Question No. 5: “How Am I Comparing Myself?”

This is an extraordinarily powerful question to ask yourself.

There are empowering internal comparisons we make — and also those that can be extremely disempowering.

To take a well-known phenomenon — the rise of anorexia. It is clear that comparisons between say, self-in-the-mirror to supermodel-in-the-magazine, are unhealthy and can cause extreme behaviors such as anorexia.

So make sure that your comparisons are pragmatic. Compare yourself to an expert if you wish to be motivated … but perhaps choose to compare your-best-self-in-the-future with their-worst-self-in-the-past-at-the-same-point-in-their-life-as-you-are-now. (Lots of hyphens, but you get my drift).

Question No. 6: “Where Am I Reacting Rather Than Responding?”

Someone visits their Doctor.

The Doctor says, “You are reacting to the treatment”

Oh-no!! How could this be? What has gone wrong?

Contrast that with this scenario …

Someone visits their Doctor.

The Doctor says, “You are responding to the treatment”

Thank goodness!

In our lives we can end up reacting to so many things that we no longer have real control.

By learning to “respond” (yes, you’ll need to actually unlearn reacting and to find some ways of learning how to “respond”) you will find your ability to choose your direction and outcomes will rapidly expand.

Even just thinking to yourself, “Now how can I respond differently?” will be of great assistance.

Question No. 7: “What Is Stopping Me From Having It Now?”

I love this question — it is one I use so often on myself!

If you are someone that finds all sorts of excuses and reasons for not attaining outcomes (as I used to be) — maybe you procrastinate — or what can be worse, you over-plan and strive for perfectionism — just keep asking yourself: “What is stopping me from having this now/doing this now/being this now?“. You will find this will quickly mobilize your behavior towards becoming more useful. Sometimes it even helps you create alternative paths of action to help you get your outcomes more easily and effortlessly.

By asking all of the above 7 questions on a regular basis, you’ll find so many more ways you can build self esteem, boost self confidence, attain new levels of motivation and discover a new world of happiness.

And remember also to relax enough to allow your powerful unconscious mind to give you some useful help along the way.

All the best!

Robert Scanlon is a corporate consultant, NLP Trainer, and the author of “Supercharge Your Self Esteem and Self Confidence To New Heights”, an online multimedia course and rebook that helps you find your own answers to the questions above.

Get free tools to Build Self Esteem at http://www.Instant-Self-Esteem.com/

And if it is, what can you or I do to take advantage of this relationship?

Let’s first explore the concept of an “emotional state”.

Human beings are creatures of emotion.  We can easily find ourselves experiencing a multitude of emotional states just throughout one day.

For example:

You are woken up on Monday morning by bright sunlight and the happy sound of chirping birds.  You instantly feel good!

Then you realize it is Monday morning and it is time to get ready for work.  In fact you have a scheduled meeting with your boss this very morning.

Suddenly your good feelings evaporate and a sense of dread looms.

So you take a shower and the hot water tingling on your skin starts to wash away the sense of dread — and you feel good again looking at the bright sunny day.

You move into the kitchen ready to make a cup of coffee.  Alas, the coffee is finished!  Someone else in the house got there before you.

Your feelings sink.  You wonder what kind of Monday you are going to have.

And so it goes.  Our day is full of emotional ups and downs.

No matter which way you look at it we are virtually held to ransom by our emotions.

So how does this affect your self-esteem?

Answer: It plays two major roles.

1. Because our emotions heavily influence our habitual behavior, having long periods of time where you are continually accessing “negative” emotional states can cause a corresponding downturn in your ability to find resourceful states and create positive behaviors.
2. At its very deepest level, our own self esteem could be simply described as a group of emotional states.  Therefore, if one is able to recreate those emotional states linked to high self-esteem, at will, then the destination and the journey is as one.

So what exactly is an emotional state — and how can we influence it?

At any one time it could be said that our “emotional state” is comprised of a collection of our thought patterns, our feelings (sensations in the body), and our physiology (the way we sit, stand, hold ourselves, treat our body).

And all this would seem obvious wouldn’t it?

So how can we make these obvious facts help us influence our self esteem?

Answer: By deliberately choosing stimuli that create very specific and preferable emotional states.

And if that sounds rather difficult or somewhat technical, you should feel quite happy in knowing that you are already in possession of this highly refined skill!

Think about this for a moment.  Have you ever heard a certain song and it has taken you straight back to a specific time in your life?  Have you ever smelt a certain perfume and it has reminded you specifically of someone?

The above two examples demonstrate how a very specific stimulus can cause a very specific emotional state, and this is the important point — with absolutely no logical cause.

So this is what you can do.  Choose a very specific stimulus.  For example, this could be a certain word, it could even be a song, it could be a picture in your mind of something very specific, or it could be the way you suddenly touch or posture your body.

Now think of a very deeply satisfying emotional state.  Maybe you can remember one, or maybe you can just “fake it”.

Now very specifically practice associating your specific stimulus with your chosen emotional state.  There is in fact a specific formula for doing this which is not within the scope of this article but if you would like to know more, feel free to visit http://www.instant-self-esteem.com/ for more information.

By practicing this on a daily basis, you will soon be able to call up your preferred emotional state, or emotional states, at will.

Now you will have a greater probability of experiencing more positive states on a regular basis.  This will then cause you to create for yourself more resourceful behaviors and outcomes.  Which in turn over time will cause a reinforcement of higher self esteem.

And perhaps you will find yourself waking up on Monday morning with a different feeling altogether!

© 2005, Robert Scanlon, Instant-Self-Esteem

“How can a person have high self esteem when living with the negative energy of a partner? How can one keep oneself strong or respond differently?”

My response documents 3 key steps to take that we can all use to help improve any dysfunctional interactions.

Firstly I would say that if there is any abusive or violent nature to your situation then you must seek professional help - either as a couple or at least just for you alone. You don’t deserve to experience this and a professional counselor can definitely help.

From the little I know so far, here is my response, I hope it helps you.

I would approach this in 3 ways.

1. Breaking “The More, The More” pattern
2. “Taking the wind out of the sails”
3. Creating a personal linked negative-to-positive state change

Step 1. Breaking “The More, The More” pattern.

There is usually a reactive loop to these situations - especially so in close partner-relationships and longer term relationships.

Over time, we learn to ‘react’ in a certain way to the other person and it is difficult to change. It becomes an automatic, pre-programmed responses.

Eventually this escalates, and so “the more the other person does ‘X’ (something specific)”, “the more I do ‘Y’ (my specific response)” and “The more I do ‘Y’ … the more they do ‘X’ again …” and so on until one feels like exploding.

We must find a way to break this vicious circle.

Without placing the ‘blame’ on you, here is something to consider: “For things to change, first I must change”. This seems to be a philosophy you are OK with given that you are asking for advice on “how to respond differently”.

So we are going to change your automatic response to your mate’s negative energy.

I want you to imagine that your partner, along with their most annoying/upsetting/frustrating negative energy are up on a theater stage in front of you, behind a pair of curtains.

In a moment the curtains will open and you will see them behaving negatively (in the way that you want to change your reaction to).

But first you will decide how you will see/hear them differently.

hen the curtains open, I want you to make them appear visually different (in your mind’s eye).

• Maybe tiny like a mouse ( = no power)
• Maybe in slow motion (= giving you time to think)
• Maybe constantly running around in circles confused ( = trivializing their approach)
• Maybe totally bright pink ( = you can’t associate this image of them with negativity)

Now hear them in your own mind differently.

• Maybe speaking all squeaky ( = they can’t possibly be serious)
• Maybe having difficulty getting words out, repeating themselves over again ( = losing power)
• Maybe yapping like a small dog ( = how ridiculous is this)

Your objective here is to make your perception of them so altered that it is no longer possible to have your normal automatic response.

This will give you a breather to be able to respond differently (Step 2)

OK, now practice the above, getting ready to open the curtains.

Now OPEN THE CURTAINS and notice how your response is already different.

You only have to ’scratch the record/CD’ a small amount for it to never play properly again. Your mind is the same.

Good. Let’s go to Step 2 and give you something to say.

Step 2. “Taking the wind out of the sails”

This step involves giving you something to say when asking for the negative behavior to stop.

Note: It is important to practice this step in private or (preferably) with a friend before using it.

You deserve to express your thoughts and feelings about this situation as it is clearly hurting you. It is also possible you may be able to help them see the negative results of their behavior.

It goes like this:

When ‘X’ happens (a typical negative interaction)

It makes me think and feel ‘Y’ (how you think and feel at the time)

I do not like having these thoughts and feelings

What I really want to think and feel is ‘B’ (how you wish to think and feel)

And what would help is for you to stop behaving like ‘Z’ (An optional extra, here is where you can describe their typical negative behavior - or ‘energy’ as you say, if that describes it better for you)

Your objective is not to start an argument (For example; “You are really negative all the time”), but to make some assertive statements that both express your own thoughts and feelings and in your case, ask for the negativity to stop.

It would go something like this:

“When we are talking about where to go out for lunch, it always seems to end up in a heated negative debate about what we don’t like about each other.

It makes me think that you don’t like/love me any more and I feel really frustrated that we can’t be more positive about our lives.

I do not like having these thoughts and feelings.

What I really want to think about is how to make our life together better and I want to feel appreciated and loved.

(Optional) … And what would really help is for you to stop making negative comments about any suggestions I make, instead you could acknowledge my desires are important to me.”

Step 3. Creating a personal linked negative-to-positive state change

It is possible that even with Steps 1 & 2, you don’t initially get massive changes and indeed, you may even trigger a negative reaction from your partner. But stay with it.

What we need to do now is to help you to feel empowered, even if they take no notice of what you say initially.

This involves making an automatic link in your mind to go from a typical ‘disempowered state’ of yours to a stronger one.

So I’d like you now to think of a time when you have felt strong (not with your mate necessarily) and ‘on top of the world’. It may not have been recent, all that matters is that it was a strong feeling.

And in the event you have no memory of anything like this, feel free to make one up from ‘your ideal world’.

OK, now intensify this feeling in your mind and really identify with it. Practice feeling strong, just walking down the road, round the house, going shopping. Expect yourself to feel strong.

Good, now lets link this feeling to a specific ’switch word’ - one that has unique meaning to you. It might be a word like ‘Mountain’, ‘Diamond’, ‘Steel’, ‘Sunshine’, ‘Mighty-Me’. This word must be uniquely associated with the strong feeling you have created.

OK, now a brief revisit of the ‘disempowered state’ that you have felt around your mate. Just imagine you are feeling that ‘bad state’ now, if only very briefly and lightly. Now stop and ’shake it out’ (like shaking out sleep when you wake up in the morning).

Good, now feel the bad state again - and this time IMMEDIATELY SAY THE SWITCH WORD TO YOURSELF.

Do this at least 4 times - start with your most disempowered state and immediately say the word to yourself.

Do it until you are positive you can change your own state just by uttering the word.

Do not tell anyone else your word! It becomes your own personal and untouchable mantra of strength.

This skill alone will keep you strong when you really need it - it is called a one-step chained anchor if you want the technical term. I have used it myself many times in a particular situation (occasional apprehension before a big presentation) until now my ‘empowered state’ IS the new automatic response.

I hope this helps you. It may only take a small difference to help you change everything, so please please please practice practice practice

All the best!

© 2005, Robert Scanlon, Instant-Self-Esteem

Owing mostly to the proliferation of the ’self help’ genre … books … seminars … chat shows … a relatively new phenomena is plaguing many people’s consciousness.

My colleagues and I call it ‘New Age Guilt’.

And what is worse … it can seriously devastate self esteem and eat into our feelings of confidence.

I know, I know, you want to know if you’ve ‘got’ it … and whether you have or not, how you should be avoiding it.

And this is precisely my point.

The world of marketing has managed to convince us that we are vulnerable to just about any affliction - or that without some ‘product’ (that they of course happen to be marketing), we are somehow not completely fulfilled. (Hey I’m a marketer too … don’t think I don’t know the tricks! Of course how you use them for good in the world is the real key to positive karma.)

So even if I tell you that you may be suffering from ‘New Age Guilt’, you might already be thinking about the terrible consequences this could have on your life/family/marriage/relationships/finances.

Simply because we have been conditioned to think that way.

OK so far … now let’s take the case of someone who is having a little trouble in life. Not feeling too good about themselves or their present situation, they look for help. Self help perhaps.

And after a little research - maybe in the local bookstore, on the ‘net, watching a little Oprah, they come to the conclusion that they ‘have’ low self esteem.

Now instead of the relief you think they might feel at finding the supposed cause to their problem, things start to go downhill from here. The first onset of New Age Guilt begins to creep in.

Because now, they research a little further still and are variously told by experts that self esteem is largely self produced. Hmmm, needs a little more research, how exactly is it ’self produced’?

Well you see, “thought is creative” (true). “And from our thoughts spring our reality” (hmmm, but do go on …).”So our current reality is created by our own selves” (It is? Wow.). “And you need to ‘take responsibility’ for what you have created” (You what? Are you saying I did this to myself?).

“In fact, you created this mess … so you better shape up and work out what ‘baggage’ you must be carrying; then once you clear it out, everything will be fine”.

Oh no. It’s all my fault. I should have known it was all my fault. I created this mess. I’m not really a very good person, I made everything bad around me and what’s worse I don’t even know how I did it. I’m awful. What am I going to do? I don’t feel good, I’ve got low self esteem and I’ve just found out it’s all my own fault.

Inspiring isn’t it?

Yet I’ve personally known people who have totally taken this on board as ‘the truth’ and then use it to beat themselves up even further.

“OH NO, YOU’RE MAKING IT WORSE!”, I silently yell to them, because if I point out they’ve taken on a flawed belief (That “I am responsible for everything around me”), they’ll feel EVEN WORSE!

But it does make ones life as a coach or counselor somewhat difficult.

Because to first work with low self esteem - and indeed low self confidence - one needs to empower the person to find some light at the end of the tunnel, to open their own door just a crack and like what they see inside … and not the opposite!

So how to do this?

Well I believe in two key approaches.

Approach No.1
I learned this from a self esteem colleague, Jack Canfield (perhaps better known for his ‘Chicken Soup For The Soul’ series).

Jack says: “Stuff Happens”

“But it’s how you RESPOND to it that matters.”

Who cares who ‘created it’, whose ‘baggage’ it is, whether it means I am a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person.

Find a way to take action and respond and you’ll feel a whole lot better.

Swim around in the agony of your guilt about creating it and you’ll feel a whole lot worse. New Age Guilt. A whole self help industry is built on it.

Approach No.2
The second is to re-condition yourself to believe that the way you are right now is totally OK.

THERE IS NOTHING ‘WRONG’ WITH YOU!

We all need to accept that everything we say and do is based upon the fact that we are doing the best we can with what we know. It’s all you can ever do.

Don’t underestimate the power of affirmations
The next time you find yourself being drawn into feeling unworthy or low in confidence because you might have some new-fangled ’syndrome’ or are lacking in some vital product, say to yourself:

“I am perfect the way I am right now.”

“I accept myself the way I am right now.”

“At any given moment, I am doing the best I can.”

Then focus on your own continued improvement.

What skills can you learn to grow, develop and maximize your range of positive emotions and positive thoughts?

THAT is how to raise self esteem.

Now go and do something to feel good. Call someone, kiss someone, make someone’s day.

Have a great day!

© 2005, Robert Scanlon, Instant-Self-Esteem

Sounds a little shallow doesn’t it … ‘instant self esteem’.

As if somehow we have managed to package up a ‘magic pill’ that will simply do all the work for us.

And yet both you and I do exactly that, daily, and without missing a beat. In fact, we take it completely for granted!

Such is the power of the unconscious mind and our own ‘programming’.

“‘Programming’?”, I hear you say? “I would never allow myself to be programmed. That brainwashing stuff is for cult leaders and the secret service.” I guess it is certainly a truism that when a powerful influence technique is discovered, it only takes a short while before it can fall into the wrong hands.

But what if you did have a magic button, which when you pressed it, fired up your ’self confidence software’ instantly and got you ready for action? And what if you were able to replicate this at will? That would be useful wouldn’t it! And it really is such a simple skill already used by …

• Top performing athletes to access a winning mindset
• Top entertainers before a performance
• Actors to get into role
• Coaches all over the world to turn around a team that is having a tough match

And yet still, it is not taught at school, or even generally well-known among the self help gurus. Which is a shame really.

So hang onto your hats, because I will teach it to you right now, for free, and it comes with a lifetime guarantee. Just promise me you will use it for good and not for evil OK?

Your Conditioning

Firstly let’s take a look at how our pre-existing conditioning works. The ’stimulus-response’.

• When you are driving and you see a red light what do you do? (No … that’s naughty and you know it)
• When you come home from work or college, do you change your clothes? If so, how do you feel afterward?
• When you get up in the morning, do you have a shower? And how do you feel after that?
• What do you do when you hear your favorite song on the radio?
• How does fresh bread baking smell?
• If you hear your name spoken across the other side of the room, what do you do?

If you are like most people, you probably recognized a straightforward, even standardized response to these questions.

• We stop at red lights because we have learned this is what you do.
• We change our clothes on coming home from work because somehow it feels good and denotes the end of the working day.
• If you are someone who showers in the morning (this is my personal example!), afterward it feels as if you are ‘ready to start the day’.
• When you hear your favorite song on the radio, do you turn it up, start dancing or start singing? Or all 3!
• Doesn’t fresh bread baking somehow make you feel nice and draw you to it?
• And when you hear your name being spoken, do you look over to see where and who it came from? (And if it really was you they were talking about!)

These are literally just a few examples of how we are ’stimulus-response’ conditioned every day. I’m sure you can think of many many more. (What about when the telephone rings … do you answer it? See! You’re already brainwashed!

But most of this has happened by accident right?

Wrong.

It was all learned behavior.

We just didn’t necessarily consciously decide to learn it.

And there lies the secret to unlocking your inner power. Once you learn to take control of your own stimulus response conditioning you’ll be absolutely amazed at just how powerful it is. And I can think of no more powerful examples than that of The Government and The Advertising Industry. They both know exactly how to harness the power of stimulus response. For example:

• “Just Say No”
• “Just Do It”

You know exactly where these phrases originated and what they are about. You can probably remember the people promoting or advertising them and most likely a brand logo or two. Stimulus response conditioning is an exceptionally powerful tool, which is why both Advertisers and Governments like it.

“Enough already!”, you say, “How can I use this to get Instant Self Esteem? Tell me right now!!”

Oh OK then!

How to use this to get Instant Self Esteem

Let’s first learn some very important terms. You’ll need these to help you set up the whole process … but don’t be concerned, it’s really easy!

Initial Stimulus

Trigger Stimulus

Response State

Initial Stimulus
This is a specific element of the negative state (or low self esteem/self confidence feeling you have). It is NOT NECESSARILY a complete description of what you want to change … just a highly identifiable and unique part of it.

For example:

I have to give a project-status presentation to my boss tomorrow and I have just found out about it today. I am experiencing an increase in my heart rate, some nervous muscular jitters, my jaw starts to clench with worry.

In my mind I see myself in front of her missing all my relevant points, messing up my carefully prepared bullet points and with the wrong clothes on for the task.

I can hear myself saying to myself, “Oh heck! That’s not enough time, I mean I needed more notice, I’ll have to stay late tonight to even be ready, that sucks, my wife will kill me ‘cos it’s our anniversary, what do I know about this project anyway, she’ll just chew me out …” and on and on and on it goes.

Feeling good? … Not.

So in this example we’ll use the ‘clenched jaw’ as a very specific Initial Stimulus. I’ll come back to that later.

Trigger Stimulus
This is a very specific and 100% unique trigger that you can use just like you would select a specific program on your computer, or wear a very specific item of clothing that helps you feel good.

Some examples? Sure …

• Pinching your left top earlobe with your thumb and index finger.
• Thinking of the word MYPOWERUP.
• Hearing the sound of large church bells playing happy birthday.
• Seeing (or imagining in your mind’s eye) a large pile of $100 bills on your desk.

Absolutely critical to your success is that this Trigger Stimulus is NEVER used for anything else. It is totally unique to getting you instant self esteem. It has no other purpose. The more specific and precise, yet meaningful to you, the action, the better.

Response State
This is your highly desired state to be in. Feeling good about yourself, confident and happy. (Yes, yes, I know it doesn’t seem real and that you think that the problem is that you don’t feel good about yourself or confident or happy, but that’s the point! Stay with me on this.)Now how do you really want to feel? Mediocre, on top of the world, or higher? Good. Then let’s practice that first. First let’s list as many of the times that you have felt really good. They may have been …

• Receiving praise
• The birth of a child
• Moving to a new house
• Winning a new job/promotion/raise
• Passing/finishing an exam
• Finishing cleaning the house
• Enjoying a great movie/book
• Hearing or dancing to your favorite song
• Falling in love
• Going on holiday somewhere special

Get as many as you can remember. Doesn’t matter if it is only two. But more than one is important. 5 or more works best.

OK now make sure no-one is looking and that you have 10 minutes to yourself.

Let’s have a party in your mind! Imagine you are experiencing RIGHT NOW all of the remembered events.

You are now feeling the most happy, confident, zesty, delighted, strong, assured, capable, that you have EVER felt.

But don’t stop there.

Now ‘turn it up’.

Can you AMPLIFY this feeling until it becomes the most over- the-top ridiculous ‘on top of the world sensation’? (Yes it is fake, it doesn’t matter … you’ll see!)

NOW SIMULTANEOUSLY ACTIVATE YOUR TRIGGER STIMULUS
WHILST HAVING THIS PARTY!

Well done.

Now do this again another 3 times. (The first is just for practice). The trick is to ‘do’ your unique Trigger Stimulus right at the time you are peaking out on the ‘remembered happiness state’.

OK, now let’s test this first part.

Activate your unique Trigger Stimulus NOW.

You should immediately experience the happiness state starting to come flooding back AUTOMATICALLY.

Now say to yourself in a robotic voice, “I am now programmed for success.”

Good. Now we need to link it to your Initial Stimulus.

Let’s say that every time I feel somewhat un-confident or unworthy, I get that feeling of ‘clenching my jaw tight’ … my specific and unique Initial Stimulus.

Now recreate that NOW. (This should be the easy part because you’ve ‘practiced’ this one even before reading this!!)

NOW ACTIVATE YOUR TRIGGER STIMULUS.

Repeat these steps another 3 times (very important).

Now you are ready.

The next time you feel a little lacking in confidence - or you experience that ‘jaw clench’ type Initial Stimulus, you will do one of two things:

1. You will automatically go straight to your desired success Response State, WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT. (Well done!)
2. You will remember to consciously activate your Trigger Stimulus and then arrive at your desired success Response State.

And now you have learned to use your own Stimulus Response Conditioning.

This is not a skill to be underestimated!

• You can use it to improve your memory.
• Use it to improve your ability to learn.
• Use it to become more attractive and ACTIVELY ATTRACT your ideal partner.
• Use it to become more of the person you want to be.
• Use it to become wealthier.

If you’d like to find out more about this skill and many other confidence-building and self-esteem increasing techniques, visit my website at http://www.Instant-Self-Esteem.com/.

And remember - this Instant Self Esteem only improves with practice and over time … and lasts a lifetime. So expect the best from yourself. You deserve it after all.

All the best for your journey!

Robert

Of course this started the internal debate ‘yes you can’, versus ‘no you can’t', which was quite obviously the low and high self esteem parts of me having a nice little argument …

Anyway, we can settle this fairly easily with the notion of ‘contextual behavior’.

Like me, I am sure you could easily draw a box around the various ‘parts’ of your life. Work, family, friends, hobbies, interests, skill sets, professional background, academic background, ethic background, socio-demographic background, age … you name it. And the truth is, one’s self esteem or self confidence can be quite different in each of these ‘boxes’ - or more accurately ‘contexts’.

The neat thing is, it is possible in each area to start to explore, diagnose and re-pattern exactly how this context is played out. Need to feel more confident around friends, but are already very confident in your professional life? Easy. It is perfectly possible to start to re-map your self esteem from a high self esteem context into another. The good news is that there are many techniques to do this! (by the way, you can sign up for free self esteem techniques at http://www.Instant-Self-Esteem.com/).

Sometimes the difficult part is admitting that the low self esteem context does exist - especially if one does feel quite confident in many other aspects of one’s life!

See you next time!

Robert

It’s perhaps a little too easy to just accept that high and low self esteem are ‘things’ that we must address. But why do we have self esteem at all -  what is the purpose of appraising our own self worth, of evaluating ourselves?

I think it comes from our evolution. It is suggested (I can supply academic references but won’t for the sanity of this blog!) that we evolved ‘consciousness’ to help us understand our neighbors … to evaluate enemies and to second guess their actions.

And also for us to evaluate ourselves - to ’step outside’ of our own doingness and try to work out how we could be better.

Balanced carefully, this has obviously served us well over many thousands of years.

But maybe our modern day society has slowly encroached on this internal mechanism by forcing us to continuously evaluate ourselves … are we OK? Is our hair glossy enough? Do we have enough shiny new things?

The relentless assault on our unworthiness can perhaps even beta some people into feeling less worthy than they truly are.

The good news is, the same internal evaluation mechanism can be used to repel these unwanted comparisons and its an easy to learn skill. (Yes, my free building self esteem techniques will definitely help!).

All the best!

Robert

In other words, ‘pretending’ that you have high self esteem now - no matter what you think on the inside. But what to say? How to act? Here are some tips and techniques to learn how those with high confidence and high self esteem ask for what they want.

Here are some principles first:

• They ask assuming that the answer will be in the positive.
• They ask as many times as it takes to get their outcome.
• They ask in as many different ways as they can to get their outcome.

Now let’s look at some examples:

Low self confidence …

“I don’t suppose you can get the shoe size I am looking for?”

High self confidence …

“Can you get the shoe size I am looking for by tomorrow?” (Assumes size will be found somewhere; imposes deadline to create urgency)

Even higher self esteem …

“I’d like you to call me tomorrow when you have the shoe size I am looking for” (Also assumes a request will be fulfilled - contrast this with “Should I call in next week?”, which is far less powerful)

Here’s another example …

Low self confidence …

“The car seems a bit expensive … can you reduce the price?”

High self confidence …

“How much will you discount the car for me?”

Even higher self esteem …

“I’ll only be interested in the car when you show me a significant discount. When will you call me?”

Sometimes it takes a deep breath to say something like this that you wouldn’t normally say - and that’s great practice of course!

Of course you can ask yourself for what you want too … how about “Which day will I wake up feeling so much more confident … Thursday or Friday?”

You can learn tons of simple tips and techniques like these by signing up for my FREE building self esteem and self confidence techniques here.

All the best!

Robert

 

• Slumped chest
• Drooping shoulders
• Bowed head
• Shuffling walk

These are all classic ’symptoms’ of low self esteem, as seen from the outside.

But what if these were not just symptoms, but a fundamental part of how we maintain low self esteem. What if simply by starting to shift your physiology and ‘modeling’ that of someone with apparently high self esteem, you were able to slightly but fundamentally shift your thoughts and feelings of self worth?

I have to tell you it will work!

I have had a personal and powerful experience of this, many years ago. It was when I was just starting out in my training, coaching and facilitation business. I felt quite strong ‘on stage’ as it were, but when meeting with clients - to take a brief - to structure a program - to follow up on results - I often felt inadequate, very ‘low-status’ compared to them.

One day, whilst walking to a client and having these quite negative thoughts running through my mind, I realized that the ’strong feeling’ I had on stage was all to do with being an extremely competent and trusted facilitator and presenter. All I had to do was imagine that, as I walked around the city streets, I was that same facilitator ‘on stage’.

The transformation in my body was remarkable. My pace changed. I stood up straighter. I had a knowing smile of understanding. I felt confident!

Nothing was the same after that, something had clicked. Not something major or cathartic, but something fundamental.

Try it for yourself. How would you stand or walk if you were the most confident person you know? You never know. This one small thing could change your life.

If you want to know more techniques for building self esteem and self confidence, feel free to check out http://www.Instant-Self-Esteem.com/, and sign up for the free practical self esteem techniques.

All the best in your journey!

Robert